Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?
There is a widespread belief that
music
helps unite people
regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. In my opinion, I agree with this
belief for some reasons, which will be dived into in this
essay.
It is undeniable that music
brings us together no matter what culture or age we are. The fundamental reason behind this
is that it embodies human emotions like joy, love, or sorrow irrespective of its language. As such
, it is its melody that touches our hearts and resonates in our minds, which is why people
in different cultures can sit together and enjoy the same music
. Take Davinci's songs as examples, they express exuberance and energy with high-pitch melodies that evoke the youthful spirits among the young around the world. Besides
, the miracle of music
is also
present in the national anthem when it is played, children, adults, and elders all tune in to the same emotion, which is patriotism, and their unity is stronger than ever. Another noteworthy factor is that music
probably connects like-minded people
between generations
. If family members share the same favorite genres, they will discuss them and spend time enjoying them together, thereby, closing the knits within a family. For instance
, nowadays, it is commonplace to see a family of different generations
gathered in a karaoke room, singing and dancing to the same song with much joy. As a result
, it is not exaggerated to say that music
is such
a magic that fosters a sense of shared spirit and cohesion among people
in distinguishable cultures and generations
.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that music
is an invisible thread that connects people
within generations
or regardless of their cultural origins.Submitted by linhng28122001 on
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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a specific reason or aspect of music's ability to bring people together.
task achievement
Add more examples or evidence to support your points.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite