Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

There is a widespread belief that
music
helps unite
people
regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. In my opinion, I agree with
this
belief for some reasons, which will be dived into in
this
essay. It is undeniable that
music
brings us together no matter what culture or age we are. The fundamental reason behind
this
is that it embodies human emotions like joy, love, or sorrow irrespective of its language. As
such
, it is its melody that touches our hearts and resonates in our minds, which is why
people
in different cultures can sit together and enjoy the same
music
. Take Davinci's songs as examples, they express exuberance and energy with high-pitch melodies that evoke the youthful spirits among the young around the world.
Besides
, the miracle of
music
is
also
present in the national anthem when it is played, children, adults, and elders all tune in to the same emotion, which is patriotism, and their unity is stronger than ever. Another noteworthy factor is that
music
probably connects like-minded
people
between
generations
. If family members share the same favorite genres, they will discuss them and spend time enjoying them together, thereby, closing the knits within a family.
For instance
, nowadays, it is commonplace to see a family of different
generations
gathered in a karaoke room, singing and dancing to the same song with much joy.
As a result
, it is not exaggerated to say that
music
is
such
a magic that fosters a sense of shared spirit and cohesion among
people
in distinguishable cultures and
generations
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
music
is an invisible thread that connects
people
within
generations
or regardless of their cultural origins.
Submitted by linhng28122001 on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a specific reason or aspect of music's ability to bring people together.
task achievement
Add more examples or evidence to support your points.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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