IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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State's promotion in plays,
songs
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 and artifacts
instead
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 of people welfare is drain of wealth. Nations using it's resouses in arts, music and drama's is way of directing the nation's tresury into vain.
On the contrary
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, Government should use the money in it's subject's interest. I do not agree with the statement . Following essay will explain how countrie's culture is promoted through
songs
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, dramas and artifacts. Furturemore, essay will showcase emergence of unique talents through these promotions. Today's world is moving towards uniformity. All the cultures are becoming more and more same,
due to
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 the effect of intermingling of the
society
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.
According to
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 me, bringing out cultural plays,
songs
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 and arts of a nation should be promoted vastly, to preserve the uniqueness of the
society
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.
However
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,
this
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 can
also
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 be done through running big campaign and organizing huge events which should have big cash prize.
For example
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: countries like India and many African nations are very vocal about
this
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 and working really hard in
this
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 regard. Now, if we look into positive aspect of these major steps. We can notice many great talents are coming into light, who are more rooted to their heritage, they are more connected to their culture, which keep them grounded. These talented individuals are grounded, which is altogether the outcome of not forgetting their
society
Use synonyms
.
for example
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: Drama's in france have produced many good talents and People from India have shown expectional skills in Malkham sport. It can be concluded from
this
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 essay, Countrie's effort to invest money in art,
songs
Use synonyms
 and theatre is bringing out good in
society
Use synonyms
 and is promoting diversity in the world, which is anyway making our world a better place to live in.

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Introduction
Consider enhancing your introduction by clearly stating your viewpoint from the beginning, to set a focused tone for your essay.
Body Content
Develop your paragraphs with more specific examples and evidences to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
Grammar and Clarity
Pay attention to clarity and accuracy in your writing to avoid ambiguity. For instance, revising phrases like 'Nation's using it's resouses' to 'Nations using their resources' improves clarity.
Tone
Try to maintain a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using contractions (e.g., “it’s”, “can’t”) to preserve the academic style of writing.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument, without introducing new information.
Content Relevance
You have effectively highlighted the importance of preserving cultural uniqueness through arts, music, and theater.
Structure
Your essay presents a coherent structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Use of Examples
Using countries like India and France as examples enhances your argument by providing real-world context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intrinsic value
  • Cultural heritage
  • National identity
  • Economic impact
  • Tourism attraction
  • Social cohesion
  • Public services
  • Healthcare
  • Education
  • Infrastructure
  • Robust
  • Catalyst
  • Private sector sponsorship
  • Preserving
  • Boosting
  • Enhancing
  • Fundamental
  • Necessity
  • Balancing
  • Investment
What to do next:
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