Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society

Nowadays, individuals survive longer than in the past. Certain people are of the opinion that the older

population

creates more

burden

Fix the agreement mistake

burdens

show examples

for the

government

Although

the maintenance of an ageing

population

needs a huge amount of

money

from the

government

for their survival, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because they help them nurture our

society

new-born

Correct your spelling

newborn

show examples

babies. The main drawback of

this

trend is that they require a huge sum of

money

for their survival from the

government

This

is to say that the geriatric

population

needs more

money

for their daily lifestyle in their homes;

this

amount comes from

government

funds, which have been collected from taxes on adult services.

Therefore

this

process creates economic pressure on the

government

For example

, Canada has the highest number of older citizens; their

government

spends 100 crores per year on

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

food, shelter, medicine, and clothing, which leads to a huge economic loss.

However

, I believe that the older

population

should have sufficient savings for their future survival and not depend on

government

funds. The main advantage of

this

trend is that the ageing

population

can help nurture the newborn baby in their

society

. To explain, nowadays couples are so busy with their tight professional lives that they do not have the time and skills to look after their newborn;

therefore

, they take help from their grandparents for their upbringing.

Subsequently

, grandparents teach their grandchildren the right manners, culture, and traditions.

For example

, in India , the majority of newlywed parents are taking guidance from their grandparents on how to take care of their newborn babies because they are busy at their offices.

Therefore

, in my opinion, I believe that the ageing

population

society

has more benefits for individuals;

thus

, the advantages outnumber the disadvantages. In conclusion, despite the disadvantage of more

money

required for their maintenance, I believe that the

old

Fix the agreement mistake

older

show examples

generation brings more benefits to

society

as they take responsibility for

upbringing

Correct article usage

the upbringing

show examples

new-born

Change preposition

of new-born

show examples

babies.

Submitted by Shrabani Banerjee on Tue Oct 03 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect or idea related to the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.

task achievement

Provide more examples or evidence to support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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