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Band 6.5

In some countries, secondary schools provide students with an opportunity to learn skills such as cooking, basic repairs, drawing and woodwork. What are the advantages and disadvantages of teaching such non-academic classes in school?

#countries #schools #students #opportunity #skills #repairs #woodwork #classes #school
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These days, the methods of teaching are developing; so that, secondary in some countries make a chance for pupils to learn
skills
Use synonyms
 that are non-academic like cooking, basic repairs, drawing and woodwork. I subscribe to
this
Linking Words
 way of learning
also
Linking Words
, I believe that the demerits of learning these
skills
Use synonyms
 cannot overshadow the benefits. On the one hand, there are several merits of learning some living
skills
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when the
students
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 learn life
skills
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,
then
Linking Words
 they can handle their lives better in the future.
In other words
Linking Words
, some children do not improve these abilities in their houses because their parents are so busy, which they will have issues when they become independent;
however
Linking Words
, when they learn these in their schools
initially
Linking Words
, they have competition with their classmates;
as a result
Linking Words
, It is clear they can do them better.
Secondly
Linking Words
, These times when they have
skills
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classes
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 like spare time ;
moreover
Linking Words
, these things help
students
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 be better in other
classes
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;
thereafter
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, in these kinds of
classes
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, pupils can find their talents. To illustrate, some
students
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 who are not good at math are good at housekeeping;
therefore
Linking Words
, they can be dependent on their future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the drawbacks of learning lessons that are not academic are diverse. The initial one is some
students
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 who do not like these things at these times might leave the institute without telling the principal. The second one is these
classes
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 need a lot of facilities;
furthermore
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, some institutes cannot provide all of them, so the societies of these places cannot learn extremely nicely.
Students
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 in
this
Linking Words
 situation waste time.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the fact that learning these
skills
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 is nice for
students
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, yet teaching them has a lot of matters;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, in my opinion, the good points cannot outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. For instance, the disadvantages paragraph could be more cohesive by linking the ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Work on providing more detailed examples to solidify your points. This helps create a clearer and more thorough argument.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structure to enhance readability. Ensure that your essay is free from minor errors and awkward phrasing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion adequately frame the essay, presenting a clear stance.
Task Achievement
The writer presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the proposed topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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