Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Various forms of
violence
have always taken place among
children
, especially in places with a high number of them,
such
as playgrounds. A lot of evidence suggests, that the number of violent acts is ever increasing. With it, many parents run into
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
question of whether they should teach their
children
to strike back in situations of the same kind. The aim of
this
essay is to answer
this
question and resolve potential cases of
violence
among minors. At first glance,
this
method of response seems to be quite fair. Indeed, fewer
children
might want to hurt somebody in the first place, knowing that they might be repelled and receive an injury themselves.
However
, as a diverse span of studies suggests, the effect of implementing
such
a strategy might be the exact opposite of the intended one. Based on the research of the CHILDRENPLAY organization carried out in 2018, by the end of the examination period, the
group
of
children
, who had been allowed to hit their bullies as a method of defence and retaliation, were 2-3 times more likely to implement violent strategies to achieve their goals in comparison to another
group
, which was taught to use their diplomatic abilities,
such
as standing for each other,
group
protection strategies, etc. Not only that, but the results of the survey, conducted by
“psychic
Correct article usage
the “psychic
show examples
man” science
group
revealed, that getting a promotion, or a high-paid job is less of an ordeal for people, who were disallowed by their parents to use their fists as a weapon when getting into a conflict.
This
might be explained by the fact, that those, who were not able to defend themselves physically, developed a better networking system among their friends on the playground to give each other a hand when needed,
hence
improving their public speaking, conversation and communicative skills. In conclusion,
while
it may not be obvious, that allowing your
children
to strike back at the playground is a bad thing to do, the scientific evidence suggests the opposite.
Violence
, conducted by a child may have some severe repercussions on his future career and character, which are best to avoid,
therefore
,
children
should be taught to abstain from each form of
violence
,
while
playing with each other.
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coherence cohesion
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons why violence among children should be avoided outside of the impact on future careers.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied and precise vocabulary throughout the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competitive sports
  • Advantages
  • Unity
  • Friendship
  • Cultural exchange
  • Understanding
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Life skills
  • Problems
  • Rivalry
  • Hostility
  • Inequality
  • Discrimination
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Opinion
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