IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

#people #museums #places #purpose #museum
These days, museums are built in every big city and Many
arts
 in the past and the present are shown. Many
people
 believe that
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 should be the place we go to enjoy
while
 some
people
 think it is the place for learning. It is argued about the goal of visiting
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
. We will discuss two opinions in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with the start of building
museum
, they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 built
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 collect
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 in one room and they up their size bigger until today. There are a lot of
history
Replace the word
historical
show examples
 pictures in many
era
Change to a plural noun
eras
show examples
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they have descriptions near the picture to read and learn. Each
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
piece of art
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 drawn
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 different techniques, artists should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn about them to improve their drawing skills.
However
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much
knowledge
Change preposition
of knowledge
show examples
 to learn
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there but some
people
 just enjoy
go
Change the form of the verb
going
show examples
 to only watch it, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 feel good when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 looking at a beautiful picture.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 difficult
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
, we can go to
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 and we can see they make us feel better. We can go to take a picture of
people
 and art
for feeling
Change preposition
to feel
show examples
 free.
Moreover
, there are shops for
sell
Replace the word
selling
show examples
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
, many
people
 want to buy them for their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
. In conclusion, many
people
is argue
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that the purpose to go art park,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is argued that they for enjoy or learn. I agree with the
people
 who think
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 park is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place for entertainment. We go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
there and watch pictures to make us feel calm.
Submitted by pramai177 on

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task response
Ensure that the arguments are developed with clear reasoning and relevant examples
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing ideas in a coherent manner to improve the overall flow of the essay
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied expressions to enhance the essay
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and use a wider range of sentence structures

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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