IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that robots are very important for human future development. Others argue that the invention of robots has negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #robots #future #development #invention #effects #society
It is widely known that one of the most important modern science inventions is
robotic
Add an article
a robotic
the robotic
show examples
 system. In spite of its popularity, some people strongly believe that
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of robots may have some negative effects on humanity in the future. In my way of thinking, it is the best thing that scientists have ever invented and there are no certain doubts that it will be one of the most crucial things in every industry. So, in
this
 essay, I am going to prove my viewpoint with several arguments.
To begin
 with, it is necessary to understand that some
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
,
such
 as mining or car
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
 are
so
Rephrase
very
show examples
 dangerous for workers.
For example
,
according to
 statistics, there are about 100 catastrophes in
mining
Correct article usage
the mining
show examples
 sector annually
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 deaths.
As a result
, a lot of companies all over the world have begun to
use
 smart machines to reduce the number of dangerous situations during the working process.
On the other hand
, one of the possible reasons to
scared
Add a missing verb
be scared
show examples
 is too smart
AI
Correct article usage
an AI
show examples
 system. Some part of society believes that in the near future robots would become uncontrolled and would become an enemy for humanity.
Nevertheless
, modern scientists consider that it is
utterly
Correct article usage
an utterly
show examples
 unrealistic way,
due to
 the fact that people mostly are so careful, especially in
these field
Change the determiner
this field
these fields
show examples
. In conclusion, I would like to say that it is very important to
use
 new technologies.
However
, under no circumstances, should people expect that everything would be all right and do not
use
 all the possible ways to protect themselves from the unexpected future.
Submitted by me.melnichenko on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure a more balanced discussion by addressing the negative effects of robots on society.
coherence cohesion
Develop your points further to provide more depth and clarity to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make your conclusion stronger by summarizing your main points and giving a final stance.
lexical resource
Attempt to use more varied vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to minimize errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: