IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think that to become a successful speciailist it's better to choose a career early in life and never changer it later. To what extent do you agree with tis view. support your opinion with relevant examples.

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Nowadays, many people believe that it is better to choose your
job
Use synonyms
 as early as possible and remain in the same field forever in order to become successful. In my viewpoint,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 it is good to know your purpose early in
life
Use synonyms
, but
this
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 doesn'
t
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 guarantee your success. I will explain my reasons with relevant examples in the following paragraph. On the one hand, not everybody knows what they want from
life
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 when they are young and they can'
t
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 choose their permanent career early in
life
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.
For instance
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, my cousin didn'
t
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 know what was her favorite
job
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 and she went to a medical
school
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 after she graduated from high
school
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.
However
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, after a
Linking Words
while
Add a comma
,while
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 she found that medical
school
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 was not suitable for her and she made
decision
Add an article
the decision
a decision
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 to stop studying medicine. She was told by everybody that she was making a big mistake, but she couldn'
t
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 tolerate
university
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 as she thought the courses were so hard. After quitting
university
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, she found a
job
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 in a kindergarten, but she found that she couldn'
t
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 progress that much as a daycare teacher and she went to a
university
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 at the age of 30 and started studying high
school
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 teaching. Now she is 40 years old and she is very successful in her field.
As a result
Linking Words
, the more you become older, the more you know your interests.
On the other hand
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, it is not guaranteed to become successful if you choose your career early in
life
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.
For example
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, I know a friend who wanted to become an architect since she was a child. She was so smart and went to Harvard
Use synonyms
university
Capitalize word
University
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 to study architecture.
However
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, she was not successful after graduation and she went bankrupt after a
while
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. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen, it is not guaranteed to become successful if you know what you want to do early in
life
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, not everybody becomes prosperous in their
life
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 if they know their permanent
job
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 from an early age and they always have the right to change their career if they are not satisfied with it.

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Task Achievement
Your essay lacks a clear thesis statement. Make sure to state your position on the topic and provide a roadmap for your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay could benefit from more developed examples. Try to provide more specific details and explanations to support your points.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy/Lexical Resource
Pay attention to sentence structure and avoid repetition. Try to vary your sentence structures and use more varied vocabulary.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and concise conclusion. Summarize your main points and restate your overall opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Add more transitional words and phrases to improve the overall coherence and flow of your essay.
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