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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

DIETING CAN PLAY MAJOR ROLE FOR KEEP HEALTHY LIFE .DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

#role #life
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Nowadays, many
people
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 believe that going on a
diet
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 plays an important role in having a healthier
life
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. I strongly agree with the statement and I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs.  On the one hand, dieting not only reduces weight
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 decreases physical problems
such
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 as obesity and diabetes. When
people
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 go on a
diet
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, they eat less
food
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 which prevents them from gaining weight.
Moreover
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, they eat healthier
food
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 and they don't consume junk
food
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 like pizza, hamburgers and so on. So, when they eat less fast
food
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, it leads to having a healthier
life
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.
For instance
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, my aunt gained a lot of weight when she was a child and her doctor recommended she go on a vegetable
diet
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. She was 150 kilograms at the age of 20 but she reduced it to 80 kilograms over a year by dieting. Afterwards, her
life
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 became so much healthier than
what
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it used to be. 
On the other hand
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, studies show that when
people
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 are fat, they are less happy in their lives. Psychologically speaking, being overweight leads to some mental issues
such
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 as depression or anxiety. Researchers
also
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 found that the more you are fat, the more you have a desire to suicide.
As a result
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, going on a
diet
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 will help
people
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 to be more satisfied in their
life
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 and in most cases, it prevents mental diseases.  In conclusion, dieting plays a major role in keeping
life
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 healthy and not only will have a healthier physical
life
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, but you
also
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 have better mental health.
Submitted by parvane_ava on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear topic sentences and supporting details in each paragraph.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve accuracy.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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