IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

11.Nowadays there is a growing amount of advertising aimed at children. Some people think this has negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the present world, many promotion
advertisements
Use synonyms
 target youngsters which has an adverse impact on them. It is argued that those clips should not be accessible to
children
Use synonyms
. I totally agree that teenagers are better to stay away from those
advertisements
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most of the promotional videos mainly focus on the selling points of their products and ignore the dark sides that might negatively affect
children
Use synonyms
's development.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are some Candies selling organic ingredients that properly hide the fact that those candies have high sugar or sodium per piece.
This
Linking Words
 misleading message, which is commonly used in advertising, attracts youngsters to consume, and unhealthy goods might affect their growth and health condition. Since young ages still have not acquired enough knowledge to distinguish the truth,
children
Use synonyms
's advertising should be banned.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the technique applied to
advertisements
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 might build up the wrong concept for young ages. Businessmen usually combine their products with fabulous images and concepts to boost sales.
For example
Linking Words
, toy business will combine their goods with materialistic and high social status as an attractive point to track customers' emotions to buy. Since
children
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 can easily access those promotional clips on TV, kids learn through these associations from the
advertisements
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 and build up the wrong concept easily.
This
Linking Words
 is harmful to the
children
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 by altering their proper attitude and manner that learnt from school. In conclusion,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 for
children
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 should be carefully regulated to prevent the kids from misunderstanding the messages. Parents
also
Linking Words
 play an essential role as a firewall to ensure their
children
Use synonyms
 are free from the numerous harmful messages.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Targeted advertising
  • Psychological development
  • Artificial needs
  • Unhealthy eating habits
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Parental responsibility
  • Critical thinking
  • Informative content
  • Economic implications
  • Revenue generation
  • Content creation
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