IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion

The massive burden of making a society a better place to live for residents is on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
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 some opine that the authority should place a high value on providing financial aid for
artists
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, others believe
artists
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 should be supported by other sources. In my view, communities should pay attention to providing financial safety for talented individuals to motivate them to keep going. On the one hand, money goes a long way in addressing more wide-ranging
issues
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 in societies.
For example
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, in some countries,
such
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 as Iran, India, and even Afghanistan, ordinary people are struggling with many main
issues
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, like poverty, inflation, and a shortage of housing, which force them to live from hand to mouth.
As a result
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, it is not logical to spend the budget of a country creating skilled ones,
while
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 the majority of the dwellers live in poor conditions.
Hence
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, considering these aforementioned
issues
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 are much more highlighted compared to motivating
artists
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.
On the other hand
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, there is a definite link between financial matters and having enough motivation to follow art-related matters. To clarify, if individuals do not have enough money to meet their daily demands, they will become reluctant to use their skills in a specific field.
For instance
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, I have a talented sister in painting. She used to be really enthusiastic about miniature paintings, but
due to
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 a lack of budget to provide the required facilities, she decided to stop following her dreams.
Moreover
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, individual
artists
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 play a crucial role in lubricating the wheels of the economy for each nation, as they can set up international art galleries to sell their artworks. So
this
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 is the responsibility of the government to prioritise them over ordinary ones. In conclusion,
although
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 underestimating the impact of widespread
issues
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, like poverty and inflation, on the whole society is not logical, supporting skilled people contributes to addressing monetary problems for the communities. From my perspective, the more high-ranking officials care about
artists
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' groups, the more progress can be expected for these nations.

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content
To improve task response, show both sides more clearly and say which side you think is best. Add more real life facts or examples.
structure
To improve coherence, start each paragraph with a clear main idea. Use linking words to join ideas, such as 'and', 'but', 'for example', 'however'.
language
To improve grammar, fix small mistakes, use easy words, and keep sentences short. check spellings and word use.
content
Clear view and own stance on the topic
structure
Uses 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show two sides
language
Gives real life examples to help the points
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