Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays the majority of
people
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lack knowledge about traditional and religious
festivals
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. Currently, at the festival time,
people
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want
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won't
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just enjoy themselves. In my opinion,
although
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I agree that
people
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these days celebrate religious or traditional
festivals
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without knowing their exact meanings,
but
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apply
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there are
also
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people
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who still
apreciate
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appreciate
the
festivals
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and celebrate them for their exact
purpsoe
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purpose
. On the one hand,
modern
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the modern
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generation is so far from their ancestors' traditional and religious
festivals
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, and it is bad for them because a lot of traditional and religious
festivals
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need not forget their traditions and to be closer to religion. Nowadays, unfortunately, our civilisation has many behavioural problems
such
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as LGBT.
Hence
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, if
people
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do not forget about traditional and religious meanings and follow part of them, it helps
people
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to
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apply
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avoid many behavioural dilemmas.
Moreover
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,
people
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should know about traditional and religious meanings because it boosts their knowledge about the previous generations.
For instance
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,
Kazakh
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people
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USE
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SYNONYMS communitycrowdfamilyfolknationpopulationpublicsociety It is important to
use
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synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
use
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the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. who know about
Nauroz
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the Nauroz
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festival are aware that their ancestors fought for them and
this
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festival means
Kazakh
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freedom.
Therefore
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, the modern
Kazakh
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generation and future
Kazakh
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generation should know what
this
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festival means and be proud of their ancestors.
One
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On
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the other hand nowadays
people
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do not have to follow some of the traditional and religious festival rules.
For example
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, in Nigeria,
people
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in the Mugandas festival still hunted using old bows and arrows. It is unsafe for hunters because some of them do not return home. For many
people
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in the world, it is wild and dangerous. The Best way to
use
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modern weapons or even stop hunting. In conclusion,
people
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should be aware
about
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of
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meaning
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the meaning
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behind traditional and religious
festivals
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, but at the same
time
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,time
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they should avoid some of the outdated rules.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear overall structure and logical progression of ideas throughout each paragraph. Make sure to use clear topic sentences and support your main points with appropriate examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger thesis statement at the end of the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
lexical resource
Expand on your supporting examples to provide more detailed and specific information.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition of words and phrases.
grammatical range accuracy
Overall, your grammar is good. However, pay attention to sentence structure and word choice.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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