Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays the majority of
people
lack knowledge about traditional and religious
festivals
. Currently, at the festival time,
people
want
Correct your spelling
won't
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just enjoy themselves. In my opinion,
although
I agree that
people
these days celebrate religious or traditional
festivals
without knowing their exact meanings,
but
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apply
show examples
there are
also
people
who still
apreciate
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appreciate
the
festivals
and celebrate them for their exact
purpsoe
Correct your spelling
purpose
. On the one hand,
modern
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the modern
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generation is so far from their ancestors' traditional and religious
festivals
, and it is bad for them because a lot of traditional and religious
festivals
need not forget their traditions and to be closer to religion. Nowadays, unfortunately, our civilisation has many behavioural problems
such
as LGBT.
Hence
, if
people
do not forget about traditional and religious meanings and follow part of them, it helps
people
to
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apply
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avoid many behavioural dilemmas.
Moreover
,
people
should know about traditional and religious meanings because it boosts their knowledge about the previous generations.
For instance
,
Kazakh
people
USE
SYNONYMS communitycrowdfamilyfolknationpopulationpublicsociety It is important to
use
synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
use
the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. who know about
Nauroz
Correct article usage
the Nauroz
show examples
festival are aware that their ancestors fought for them and
this
festival means
Kazakh
freedom.
Therefore
, the modern
Kazakh
generation and future
Kazakh
generation should know what
this
festival means and be proud of their ancestors.
One
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On
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the other hand nowadays
people
do not have to follow some of the traditional and religious festival rules.
For example
, in Nigeria,
people
in the Mugandas festival still hunted using old bows and arrows. It is unsafe for hunters because some of them do not return home. For many
people
in the world, it is wild and dangerous. The Best way to
use
modern weapons or even stop hunting. In conclusion,
people
should be aware
about
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of
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meaning
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the meaning
show examples
behind traditional and religious
festivals
, but at the same
time
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,time
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they should avoid some of the outdated rules.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear overall structure and logical progression of ideas throughout each paragraph. Make sure to use clear topic sentences and support your main points with appropriate examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger thesis statement at the end of the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
lexical resource
Expand on your supporting examples to provide more detailed and specific information.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition of words and phrases.
grammatical range accuracy
Overall, your grammar is good. However, pay attention to sentence structure and word choice.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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