IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Due to
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 industrial greed, humans are encroaching on and fracturing wild animals’ habitats, leaving migratory species with nowhere to turn and gradually becoming extinct.
As a result
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, conservationists and the government are intensifying efforts to secure ecological balance.
However
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, the debate on whether people are overreacting and wasting resources on the protection of nature is still ongoing. I firmly disagree with
this
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 stance and will state my reasons in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, wild animals and birds play a pivotal role in balancing our ecosystem through natural processes
such
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 as pollination and seed dispersal.
For instance
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, many flying species are responsible for regenerating forests by spreading fruit seeds over vast distances, which maintain sources of oxygen and cooling for humans. Without their help, the cycle would collapse
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 humanity would face environmental disasters which will cost much more than the current conservation programs. Of equal importance, copious species are essential for medical research and the development of life-saving drugs. To illustrate, the similarities between humans and certain animals allow experimentalists to use mice to test the safety and efficiency of treatments before they are approved for human use.
Furthermore
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, the venoms of some vipers are the remedies for curing cardiovascular problems and cancers , proving that losing these creatures means losing the chance for future medical breakthroughs. In conclusion, animals and birds are an important part of the ecosystem. They engage in natural balancing processes that help maintain our life cycle ,
as well as
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 participate in health research , which sustains medication outcomes. If we cease conservation efforts, the resulting damage would be irreversible, including higher costs than the protection measures themselves.

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task response
Write more about the other side, then show why you do not agree. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to see. One clear real case can be stronger than two general ones.
task response
Some ideas are strong, but a few lines are not fully clear, like the part about medicine. Make the link to the topic more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To improve more, make each main idea begin with a very clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are a little hard to follow. Split them into shorter ones for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. You already use some well, but too many long phrases can make the line heavy.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a strong opinion from the start.
task response
Your main points are relevant: nature balance and medical use both fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a logical order, and the reader can follow your argument easily most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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