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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many children today are exposed to violent videogames and TV programmes. How harmful is this? What can be done to fight this problem?

#children #videogames #tv #programmes #fight
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These days, kids are increasingly prone to wild computer
games
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 and television shows.
This
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 can have many adverse effects on the children's psychology. Strict restrictions can be taken in order to tackle
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, from a young age, children should use cell phones under their parents' supervision. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 children who spend most of their time playing war
games
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 can lose their mental strength and be introverted.
Furthermore
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, staring at the screen for a long time can make eyesight poor.
Additionally
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, the students who waste their time with non-educational stuff are likely to get low marks. To give an example of
this
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, the findings of a study carried out by physicians indicate that those who spend one-third of their day getting screen light have more possibility of having brain damage at an early age.
Secondly
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, the government and the Ministry of Education should intervene in
this
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 problem. To handle
this
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 the authorized community has to enact legislation to block the manipulating
games
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 and zombie films. Because it can lead to reduced empathy and aggression in a child. What's more, the enlightening videos should be shown to the students to alert potential bad outcomes. To exemplify, I vividly remember, when I was in school, the director implemented an investigation in our computer room deleted all
games
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 and punished the responsible society.
To conclude
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, nowadays, the vast majority of offspring are inclined towards frustrating and irritating videogames and TV programmes which can evoke desensitization to violence. To address
this
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 issue, parents and high-ranked crowds should deprive offspring of
this
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 kind of thing.
Submitted by rashad.ahadli on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction that states your position and provides an overview of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Develop your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main idea of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more varied and interesting.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar for errors and ensure that your sentences are clear and well-structured.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exposure
  • violent
  • videogames
  • TV programmes
  • harmful effects
  • increased aggression
  • desensitization
  • reduced empathy
  • monitor
  • restrict
  • media consumption
  • educational institutions
  • government
  • stricter regulations
  • content
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