In some cultures, Children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some countries, people claim that offspring can achieve their dream if they try hard for it.
to begin
with,
this
massage
Correct your spelling
message
show examples
can have some effects on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
ideology.
This
essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of spreading
this
message among kids. On the one hand, motivation and encouragement would be mentioned as a significant statement.
Also
, one evident advantage of trying harder to achieve is that they would be resistant to numerous difficulties from a young age, which is thought to be a key factor of success. To illustrate it better, there were many scientists
such
as Einstein, Nikola Tesla
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, etc… that had failed in the first place,
although
they experienced many hurdles
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they did not give up and they worked harder and succeeded.
Therefore
, it is believed that parents should raise
this
saying as support to nudge their children in the right direction.
On the other hand
, as every coin has two
such
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
massage can contain some disbenefits,
such
as mental health issues, anxiety, depression and perfectionism. sometimes, we focus on our goals and spend enough effort on it we do it but
outcome
Add an article
the outcome
show examples
we
obtained
Wrong verb form
obtain
show examples
does not justify the attempt we put in. It is a common experience for individuals to encounter setbacks and failures in their pursuit of goals.
While
these moments may elicit feelings of inadequacy, it is important to recognize that they are a normal part of the growth and learning process. We can learn a lot from
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
failure moments and achieve ultimately
successes
Fix the agreement mistake
success
show examples
in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that the young should be encouraged by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
positive sayings
however
they had better be nudged in what is compatible with their
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
show examples
and
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
.
Hence
, the advantages of
this
meaningful message outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Review the use of punctuation and sentence structure for improved grammatical range and accuracy.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: