IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007
#bar #hours #week #teenagers #activities #chester
The bar chart compares
allocated
Correct article usage
the allocated
show examples
 time for various activities
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per week by teenagers between 2002 and 2007.
Overall
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some activities' spent
hours
 increased, watching television had higher spent time during
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
period
. First of all, the
hours
 that related
going
Change preposition
to going
show examples
 to pubs\discos and shopping increased throughout the
period
.
However
, teenagers spent less than 10
hours
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going to pubs in 2002,
this
 number increased to almost 20 in 2007.
Similarly
, it was the same for shopping, and it rose from
closely
Change the word
close
show examples
5
Change preposition
to 5
show examples
to 15
hours
.
Secondly
, doing homework was a downward trend, and it declined from approximately 13 to around 6
hours
 per week from 2002 to 2007.
In addition
,during
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
period
, bowling was the most unpopular activity,and teenagers spent less than 5
hours
 per week. Regardless,
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
 other actions' allocated time less than 25, watching television was always higher than
this
 and increased throughout the
period
.In fact,
this
 activity's most spent
hours
 was almost 37
hours
 in 2007.
Submitted by askerovhamid06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: