IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss the advantages of both. Then state which situation you prefer and why.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Relationships
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Some like to make vast
relationships
Use synonyms
 in society,
whereas
Linking Words
 others choose to have a minimum of close friendships. I strongly agree with the former opinion because making a large
group
Use synonyms
 of the social
circle
Use synonyms
 can lead to more benefits
such
Linking Words
 as enormous job offers and aid from others.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. There are some advantages of having a large
group
Use synonyms
 of friends. Getting more employment opportunities is the main benefit of
this
Linking Words
 trend because vast
relationships
Use synonyms
 bring more connection and contact to employers and businessmen and
people
Use synonyms
 may get job offers from them.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 like to make a relationship with social media, and
as a result
Linking Words
, they have to obtain more benefits and help the best number of
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, Having a large number of
relationships
Use synonyms
 might get knowledge and share their ideas and thoughts. There are some benefits of maintaining a small
circle
Use synonyms
 because it brings more trust and confidentiality between small groups
while
Linking Words
 many have to find out other's skills and talents.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my cousins is introverted, he only has a few close friends and they can share their confidential matters.
In other words
Linking Words
, the small
circle
Use synonyms
 can create close bonds with other
people
Use synonyms
 in groups
instead
Linking Words
 of many
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 close social circles are confidential and trustworthy so
people
Use synonyms
 have to share their ideas and thoughts, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 contain a
group
Use synonyms
 brings more employment opportunities and helps the tendency of others.
Hence
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that a large
group
Use synonyms
 of social
Use synonyms
circle
Fix the agreement mistake
circles
show examples
 brings more advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a weak logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. It is essential to use a range of cohesive devices appropriately and carefully.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved. Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support for main points is minimal. Include more detailed examples, explanations, and evidence to support each advantage presented, making sure they are relevant and persuasive.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat incomplete. The question asks for a discussion of the advantages of both a large social circle and a few close relationships. While the essay mentions both, it does so unevenly and without depth. Ensure to more fully explore both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are not conveyed as clearly or comprehensively as needed for a higher band. Strive to develop each point with clarity, providing adequate explanation to convey your argument effectively.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is quite limited, which makes some claims appear unsupported. Include more specific, relevant examples to illustrate the advantages discussed. These examples should be detailed and directly connected to the main point they are meant to support.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: