Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss the advantages of both. Then state which situation you prefer and why.
Relationships
play a crucial role in people
's lives. Some like to make vast relationships
in society, whereas
others choose to have a minimum of close friendships. I strongly agree with the former opinion because making a large group
of the social circle
can lead to more benefits such
as enormous job offers and aid from others. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
There are some advantages of having a large group
of friends. Getting more employment opportunities is the main benefit of this
trend because vast relationships
bring more connection and contact to employers and businessmen and people
may get job offers from them. For example
, people
like to make a relationship with social media, and as a result
, they have to obtain more benefits and help the best number of people
. Therefore
, Having a large number of relationships
might get knowledge and share their ideas and thoughts.
There are some benefits of maintaining a small circle
because it brings more trust and confidentiality between small groups while
many have to find out other's skills and talents. For instance
, one of my cousins is introverted, he only has a few close friends and they can share their confidential matters. In other words
, the small circle
can create close bonds with other people
in groups instead
of many people
.
In conclusion, although
close social circles are confidential and trustworthy so people
have to share their ideas and thoughts, a large number of people
contain a group
brings more employment opportunities and helps the tendency of others. Hence
, I strongly agree that a large group
of social circle
brings more advantages.Fix the agreement mistake
circles
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a weak logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. It is essential to use a range of cohesive devices appropriately and carefully.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved. Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support for main points is minimal. Include more detailed examples, explanations, and evidence to support each advantage presented, making sure they are relevant and persuasive.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat incomplete. The question asks for a discussion of the advantages of both a large social circle and a few close relationships. While the essay mentions both, it does so unevenly and without depth. Ensure to more fully explore both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are not conveyed as clearly or comprehensively as needed for a higher band. Strive to develop each point with clarity, providing adequate explanation to convey your argument effectively.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is quite limited, which makes some claims appear unsupported. Include more specific, relevant examples to illustrate the advantages discussed. These examples should be detailed and directly connected to the main point they are meant to support.
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