IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#television #book #tool #children
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The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 poor education quality among
children
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 nowadays is that they spend a lot of their time watching
television
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programs
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 and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 things that are remotely connected to quality education. I completely agree with the statement that
television
Use synonyms
 cannot replace the book as a learning tool as it is far less educative and far more addictive.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
television
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programs
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 have too
much
Change the quantifier
many
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 audio-visual factors which can distract
children
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. When
children
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 read
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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, they can concentrate more on the text and because of that, information can remain longer in their memory.
In
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contrast
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,contrast
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 various sounds, images and colors of
programs
Use synonyms
 that
distribute
Wrong verb form
are distributed
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in
Change preposition
on
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television
Use synonyms
 deprive the
children
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from
Change the preposition
of
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 the educational aspect of them. The other reason that shows
television
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 is not suitable as a book
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 when
children
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 learn through these
programs
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, they lose their creativity.
Television
Use synonyms
 is prepared beforehand
some
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for some
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 curriculums for
children
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 and in the long time they
accustomed
Add a missing verb
are accustomed
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 to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledge and they can’t anymore feel the pleasure of
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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 and being creative in different subjects. It is often heard that many
children
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 watch TV for long hours and
that is
Linking Words
 detrimental to their health.
The
Correct article usage
Television
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television
Use synonyms
programs
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 have
addictive
Correct article usage
an addictive
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 nature and don’t let
children
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 concentrate on other important things like study or outdoor
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. It’s true that books are still the most appropriate learning tool,
the
Correct word choice
but the
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 influence of technology in modern life is undeniable.
Television
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 have appealing effects for
children
Use synonyms
 and
claimed
Add a missing verb
are claimed
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 to be a supplementary tool for
children
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 in their curriculum. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
technology
Add a comma
,technology
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 we can’t
bound
Wrong verb form
bind
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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learning only to books. The wise act is integrating
television
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in
Change preposition
into
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 curricular
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
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 and
benefit
Wrong verb form
benefiting
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 from their facilities.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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