IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #media
A few individuals believe that
celebrities
such
 as film stars and famous sports
person's
Fix the agreement mistake
people's
show examples
 lives should not be exposed to the public by the media. I strongly agree with
this
 notion and the reasons will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. To embark on, nowadays, many famous individuals are concerned about their privacy , mostly because of the cyberbullying
on
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apply
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online.
Many
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On many
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 social platforms,
for example
, on YouTube, it is very common to see many
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
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 lives,
most
Correct word choice
and most
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 videos are fake. In order to
get
Verb problem
attract
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 viewers attraction m sometimes they include details of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous
people
 which may
cause
Verb problem
have
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 detrimental
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
In addition
,
celebrities
 are mostly in contact with the public, they need their own private time to enjoy their life,
otherwise
 they may end
with
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up with
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 stress disorders.
For instance
,
people
 surround a celebrity, when that person
go
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goes
show examples
 to a film or to do some shopping. These can make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
feel more stressed.
Moreover
, if
news
coverages
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coverage
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous
people
,
this
 can lead to less importance
to
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on
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 cultural , political or
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 issues.
Hence
,
news
 that needs more attention will not be addressed properly.
For instance
, a programme related to
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
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 routines of an actress is less important than the event addressing the current spread of communicable diseases.
Nevertheless
,
this
 is the responsibility of the public not to give much importance to
celebrities
.
As a result
 of
this
Add a comma
,this
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 the media may focus on principal
news
 that
need
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needs
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 attention. To recapitulate, as a part of their profession a celebrity is always having contact with the public . Apart from their professional
life
Add a comma
,life
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 they need privacy in their to balance their career and personal lives.
Also
, extra exposure
of
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to
show examples
 famous
people
's
news
 can degrade many important
news
 that
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 attention
on
Change preposition
in
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 society.
Submitted by ansamerrin987 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Media scrutiny
  • Public persona
  • Personal autonomy
  • Sensationalism
  • Paparazzi
  • Tabloid journalism
  • Right to privacy
  • Mental well-being
  • Public interest
  • Ethical journalism
  • Celebrity culture
  • Gossip columns
What to do next:
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