IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#children #pocket #money #basis #benefit #future
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Being wealthy enough is always one of
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 desires. Some individuals perceive that giving some amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis will be beneficial in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run. I firmly agree with the phenomenon and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my viewpoints in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
childrean
Correct your spelling
children
 should have a harmony to spend some
money
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 on what they like. To explain, if any child is interested in
science
Add an article
a science
show examples
 subject, he can buy more books
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
money
Use synonyms
 has
has
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
been given to and
this
Linking Words
 helps
parents
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 to be more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
show examples
 and
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will learn the most crucial skill
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life which is budgeting.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should decide
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 amount to be given as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pocket
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 so
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can decide how to spend, where to spend and when to spend. Practicing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 behaviour will eventually make them more well-organised and
well-planner
Correct your spelling
well-planned
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, society will have more responsible citizens.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should guide
children
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 to develop some
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
such
Linking Words
 as
savings
Correct your spelling
saving
show examples
 for unexpected or emergency
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. To illustrate, from an early age
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life, if
children
Use synonyms
learns
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 to spare some
money
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,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will have a huge amount someday and
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be able to deal with any unimaginable situations.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
children
Use synonyms
 would learn to be
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
 and be able to make decisions by themselves. To illustrate,
parents
Use synonyms
' constant monitor
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 spending
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 would make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
choose wise and important products. if
children
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 trained to handle
money
Use synonyms
 since childhood,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 would know whether a product is crucial for purchasing.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is
infered
Correct your spelling
inferred
 that
money
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 given as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pocket
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 will be beneficial if
children
Use synonyms
's spending
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 are monitored.
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay clearly states whether you agree or disagree with the statement. You mention that you agree in the introduction paragraph but it would be beneficial to restate this in the conclusion as well.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your essay more convincing.
lexical resource & grammatical range and accuracy
Focus on using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures. This will improve your lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy scores.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pocket money
  • benefit
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting skills
  • saving habits
  • independence
  • decision-making
  • financial management
  • value of money
  • earning
  • spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • consequences
  • work ethic
What to do next:
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