IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

These days, many children spend their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Are there any disadvantages to this activity?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is becoming increasingly common among minors to play computerized
games
Use synonyms
 during their free time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine major causes and discuss the effects of
this
Linking Words
 trend on young people.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the widespread popularity of video
games
Use synonyms
 among young individuals can be attributed to several factors. They are entertaining and are gradually becoming more interactive and engaging.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a large variety of electronic
games
Use synonyms
 in the market guarantees that children do not experience boredom even after hours of extended gameplay.
For example
Linking Words
, Grand Theft Auto (GTA), an action-adventure game, is renowned for its open-world experience, where players can perform almost all day-to-day activities, including walking, running, and driving.
In addition
Linking Words
, gamers can go into any shop or building to interact with any NPCs (non-player characters). These features make these
games
Use synonyms
 highly enjoyable, encouraging youth to spend their extra time playing without feeling bored.
Conversely
Linking Words
, excessive playing might
also
Linking Words
 bring some unintended consequences. Individuals can become accustomed to a sedentary lifestyle. When individuals spend hours sitting still playing digital
games
Use synonyms
, they do not get enough exercise in their daily lives, possibly resulting in weight gain.
Similarly
Linking Words
, if people are not moving much during the day, their bodies do not feel like they need to rest at night, which can cause sleep problems.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might have difficulty concentrating when they are studying, resulting in poor academic performance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an inactive lifestyle can
also
Linking Words
 lead to multiple health complications,
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, obesity, stress, and depression. Ultimately, these serious health conditions can have major long-term impacts on physical and mental well-being. In conclusion, children like to play video
games
Use synonyms
 in their free time because of the entertainment they provide.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 lifestyle with a significant lack of physical activity can cause poor grades and adverse health effects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding on the benefits of video games, alongside the disadvantages discussed, for a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the mention of Grand Theft Auto, add depth to the argument and illustrate points effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: