The paragraph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six -month period in 2011.

The line graph compares and contrasts information on the
questions
asked by tourists at the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period, from January to June in the year 2011. In general,
while
enquiries by letter or email saw a significant drop, other means experienced the opposite trend. Having looked at the chart given for more details, it is apparent that the number of
questions
by letter or email dropped over time,
whereas
, the direct and telephone methods rose significantly. Particularly, in January, more than 900 phone calls were received which was twice the figure for the in-person group. A month later, question numbers via letters and emails slightly reduced from Jan to Mar by 100
while
question numbers asked directly or through phone calls increased to 800 and 1000 respectively.
Moreover
, more than 1200 enquiries were asked in person which doubled the figure for letters or emails in April. What is more, from April to May,
while
the number of
questions
asked face-to-face and via telephone rose to under 1600 and precisely 1400 , the one by letter dramatically fell to under 400.
In addition
,
questions
asked in person saw a sharp increase up to 1900
while
the number of
questions
sent by email reached a lower percentage of approximately less than 400 which was a quarter of the direct question group.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, ensure smoother transitions between different data points and time periods. Linking phrases can help maintain a logical flow in your narrative.
task achievement
Make sure to consistently use precise and varied vocabulary. Words like 'slightly', 'dramatically', and 'sharply' are good examples, but ensure every comparative or descriptive term is accurate and vivid.
task achievement
Consider using more sophisticated sentence structures and variety in sentence lengths to enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
The essay provides a detailed and complete response to the task, covering all main trends within the data.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples that are well-integrated into the analysis of the data.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and body paragraphs are well-organized, each focusing on specific aspects of the data, making the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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