IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

.When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is generally believed that the development of parks and sports facilities is more important than the development of shopping malls. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement, and the reasons will be explained in
this
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 article.
Firstly
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, it is advisable for some individuals to consider the significance of shopping districts.
This
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 is probably because it is a place that sells various items.
For example
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, people come here to buy food.
Additionally
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, it generates income for the residents since they can become sellers.
Therefore
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, the amount of money in the town has increased. In my opinion, these places should be the focus in the future: sports facilities and parks. We should prioritize them when planning new cities as they have numerous benefits.
Firstly
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,
this
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 encourages citizens of all ages to exercise because there are many activities for them to do,
such
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 as teenagers playing football with friends and adults running or jogging.
Additionally
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,
this
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 place can strengthen family bonds.
For example
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, children go on a picnic with their parents during the weekends. So, these activities help people to release stress and become stronger.
Therefore
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, they are essential for the well-being of individuals within a community. All in all,
while
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 there is no denying that shopping malls are important because they create employment opportunities for individuals, I think parks are
also
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 important because people can engage in various activities within the area and improve their physical fitness and mental health.

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lexical
Ensure consistent use of formal language and avoid contractions (e.g., it's, can't).

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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