Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree
It is thought that
music
is a great way to unite people
of various cultures and ages. This
essay strongly agrees with this
suggestion because Music
is a way to express our emotions without limitation to age or culture, and also
music
festivals are one
of the big community hubs that gather folks around the world
.
First and foremost, one
of the reasons for this
argument is because
Correct word choice
that
music
is one
of the bridges to express our emotions without limitation to language or culture. For example
, research conducted by a psychologist in 2015 stated that society tend
to reveal what they listen to Change the verb form
tends
people
around them because songs can describe how they feel better than words even though they listen to foreign songs. Therefore
, This
is also
undeniably one
of the ways we can easily understand how others feel just by judging to
what other Change preposition
apply
people
listen to.
Furthermore
, Music
is also
responsible for one
the the biggest folks gathering in the world
in the form of a world
music
festival. The world
Correct your spelling
World Music Festival
music
festival is one
kind of music
event which invites all the best musicians globally to perform on stage with thousands of people
attending around the world
. For instance
, last
year there was a Coachella music
festival in California United States that drew around 100,000 visitors from around the world
to watch the star-studded lineup of musicians.
In conclusion, I strongly support the suggestion that music
is a positive way to gather multicultural and multi ages people
because it helps people
to express their feelings and also
music
can bring people
around the world
together in one
big event.Submitted by rizkyrizalzal on
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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear and concise introduction and conclusion to your essay.
task achievement
Clearly state your position on the topic and support it with specific examples and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a logical flow of ideas in your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Consider using more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?