Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages

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It is thought that

music

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is a great way to unite

people

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of various cultures and ages.

This

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essay strongly agrees with

this

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suggestion because

Music

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is a way to express our emotions without limitation to age or culture, and

also

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music

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festivals are

one

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of the big community hubs that gather folks around the

world

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. First and foremost,

one

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of the reasons for

this

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argument is

because

Correct word choice

that

show examples

music

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one

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of the bridges to express our emotions without limitation to language or culture.

For example

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, research conducted by a psychologist in 2015 stated that society

tend

Change the verb form

tends

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to reveal what they listen to

people

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around them because songs can describe how they feel better than words even though they listen to foreign songs.

Therefore

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This

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also

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undeniably

one

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of the ways we can easily understand how others feel just by judging

Change preposition

apply

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what other

people

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listen to.

Furthermore

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Music

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also

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responsible for

one

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the the biggest folks gathering in the

world

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in the form of a

world

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music

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festival. The

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world

Correct your spelling

World Music Festival

show examples

music

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festival is

one

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kind of

music

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event which invites all the best musicians globally to perform on stage with thousands of

people

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attending around the

world

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For instance

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last

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year there was a Coachella

music

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festival in California United States that drew around 100,000 visitors from around the

world

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to watch the star-studded lineup of musicians. In conclusion, I strongly support the suggestion that

music

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is a positive way to gather multicultural and multi ages

people

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because it helps

people

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to express their feelings and

also

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music

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can bring

people

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around the

world

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together in

one

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big event.

Submitted by rizkyrizalzal on Thu Oct 05 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clear and concise introduction and conclusion to your essay.

task achievement

Clearly state your position on the topic and support it with specific examples and arguments.

coherence cohesion

Ensure there is a logical flow of ideas in your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Consider using more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.

lexical resource

Use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural diversity
harmony
integration
bridging gaps
foster
ignite
embrace
communicate
celebrate
appreciate
inclusivity
universal language
emotional resonance
shared experiences
intercultural dialogue
intergenerational connections
cultural exchange
catalyst

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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Your opinion

Employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress at work. They should only care about the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With rising concern about environmental degradation, some argue that the government should hold individuals accountable for their environmental impact. Do you agree or disagree?

write a letter to the airport manager that you missed for your business trip because of a problem that occured at the airport. Explain -what was the problem. -What happened as a result of the missed flight -What would you like him or her to do about it.