IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #development #technology
Admittedly, technology has an impact on our planet significantly in both positive and negative aspects,
However
, some consider that it leads to many problems, the environmental issue
in particular
, in my perspective, I think that has pros outweigh the cons.
Firstly
, nowadays various high-tech goods and services are able to help issues about the habitat in many methods. To illustrate
further
, the genomic of plant that aids our earth are so green which reduce many problems
such
 as global warming,
moreover
, EV car that can reduce the use of oil energy defined as unclean resources are popular in
this
 era
as well as
 because the intensive competition of
this
 sector is cause those cars are more affordable than traditional cars.
As a result
, when everyone not only affluent people but the destitute lives are able to buy it.
This
 will reduce
this
 topic in the long term.
Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, some scientific knowledge may create societal problems.
For example
, the data centre service
that is
 very beneficial for most people requires more space and electric resources which opens the door to either pollution from its consuming yellow supply or environmental topics from cutting a number of trees.
In addition
, EV car
also
 has a bad result,
although
, which is cleaner than oil will destroy the green of our planet by establishing and consuming yellow power.
To conclude
, overview, I am strongly of the view that it has merits more than demerits, since, the evolution of innovation will actually decrease
this
 topic in log terms,
such
 as EV cars
as well as
 genomics.
Nonetheless
, some types of innovation have some drawbacks, namely, The data centre.
Submitted by amittawin on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point and have clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence.
lexical resource
Avoid using informal language and phrases.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on using complex sentence structures and varied sentence types.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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