IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many governments think that economics progress is there most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#governments #economics #progress #people #type #country
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Some leaders of countries might believe that economic development is the most significant feature of a
country
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,
while
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 others can think that there is a greater variety of progress that
also
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 has a crucial impact on a nation. The economic high trends can bring more
money
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 for the
country
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 for financial support, but I believe that there are
also
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 essential problems that should be improved. In terms of finance, the specific aim to have progress with the
economy
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 go up can be a good idea for the
country
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. If the government puts only the goal of raising the
economy
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, it will be good conditions for people in that
country
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 and they can buy
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 at cheap prices and for businesses, it is
also
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 will have a great upgrade.
For example
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, one decade ago, the government of Belgium made a law about making the
economy
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 the main target to increase, and now
this
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 nation shows to the world that it was a very good idea, because they had improved all aspects of life that they wanted, like education, sport, and medicine.
On the other hand
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, there we have the problem named 'world pollution' and it is the main reason that government must spend their
money
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 not only on the
economy
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. It is because of the future of the
country
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 that can be dark with polluted areas and not healthy folks in the
country
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.
For instance
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, India made a mistake. Of course, they have strong economic finance and impact on the world, but they made a mistake, with
forgot
Wrong verb form
forgetting
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 to support cleaning nature and getting garbage from around.
As a result
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, they have bad conditions for living and have a dirty river. In conclusion, some can think that giving more
money
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 for economic improvement is necessary
due to
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 it having a great influence on improving the standards of living in the nation, but I think if leaders would not give
money
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 for problems like earth pollution, the standard of living trend would be decreased.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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task achievement
Try to integrate more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points clearly. Good examples strengthen your argument and show your understanding.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of minor language errors and awkward phrasing, as they can distract from clarity. Polishing the language will enhance your ideas' impact.
task achievement
The essay provides clear perspectives on both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to a cohesive overall structure.
coherence cohesion
The main points presented are logical and relevant to the discussion topic.
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