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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

5.The graph gives information about people of different age groups in New Zealand who went to a fitness center twice a week or more. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

5.The graph gives information about people of different age groups in New Zealand who went to a fitness center twice a week or more. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The line chart below displays
individuals
Use synonyms
 of different age ranges who went to the gym two or more times a week in New Zealand
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
people
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 who went to the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 from 18-28 and 29-39
years
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 old increased rapidly. Humans with age from 40 to 50 rose moderately and the group of 51 to 61 remained relatively stable. In 1995
individuals
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 from 29 to 39 had around 17% of
people
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 going to exercise rooms, being the ones that
goes
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go
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 to the gym the most,
this
Linking Words
percentage
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 grew gradually during the next 5
years
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 to 22%, from 2000 to 2005 the
rate
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 started to drop moderately and from 2005 to 2020 it rose modestly and from 2020 to the end of the
period
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 the
percentage
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 rocketed dramatically from 25% to 40%. 15% of
individuals
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 from 18 to 28
years
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 old went to the fitness
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in 1995
this
Linking Words
 number varied
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 during the next 20
years
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,
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 in 2020
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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around 18% of
people
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 going to the gym, after 2020
this
Linking Words
 varied steeply, finalising the
period
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 with 30% of
individuals
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People
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 from 40 to 50 started the
period
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 with just over 5%,
this
Linking Words
rate
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 rose slowly
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during the next 20
years
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 with a
rate
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 of 10% in 2020,
afterwards
Add a comma
,afterwards
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 it grew slightly to
little
Correct article usage
a little
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 under 15%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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.
Individuals
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 from the
rage
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of 51 to 61 at the beginning of the
period
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, only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
5% of
people
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 went to the exercise room,
this
Linking Words
percentage
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 maintained relatively stable between 1995 and 2020, after 2020
this
Linking Words
 number increased slightly to
approximetely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 8%, maintaining its lowest
rate
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words individuals, percentage, people, years, rate, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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