IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.
The graph above shows the proportion of young adult participation in four divergent sports over three decades from 1990 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
. It can be clearly seen that each area show different trends, but somehow ball games and biking have similar trend. Among all, ball games
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 everyone's favourite in 1990, whilst now swimming
takes part
Verb problem
is
show examples
 as most popular sport. In 1990, almost 35%
teenagers
Change preposition
of teenagers
show examples
 played ball games.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their popularity
declines
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 by nearly 30% in 2000 and
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
dipping down
Verb problem
to drop
show examples
 to 20% in
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 day. Skating
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 at 25% in 1990 and
extremely falling
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 five years
close
Fix the infinitive
to close
show examples
 to 20%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in 2005 biking and roller skating
rising
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 a bit to approximately 23% before they
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
felt
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
down
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to almost 15% in 2020.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, swimming is the only one that shows significant rises. After below 15% from 1990 to 1995, it steadily increased for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 fifteen years reached around 25%, and
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a peak of approximately 34% by the end of 2020. Jogging,
however
Linking Words
,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the most fluctuation of all.
Start
Wrong verb form
Starting
show examples
 below 10% in 1990, it's gradually rising in 2020 at nearly 13%. The number dipped close to 9% in 2015
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before it increased to 15% in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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