IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The table shows how export values of diffirent items changedfrom 2009 to 2010

The table shows how export values of diffirent items changedfrom 2009 to 2010
#export #values #diffirent #items #changedfrom
The table illustrates how the
values
 of 5 exported items, measured in $HK billion, changed between 2009 and 2010. It
also
 shows
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how much percentage
each
Change preposition
of each
show examples
 product’s
export
values
 rose or decreased.
Overall
, the
overall
value
 of exported
products
 rose throughout the study period, whilst some of the
products
 (clothing and manufacturing)
exported
Add a missing verb
were exported
show examples
 less in 2010. It is
also
 clear that the
value
 of exported metals and telecommunity increased dramatically.
To begin
, in the first
year
,
export
values
 of equipment were the highest at 10.3
while
 revenue of telecommunity amounted to 7.9 billion. One
year
 later the
value
 of
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 product rose marginally up 1.3 from 2009 and that of
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 item increased significantly to 12.7, making it the most profitable product.
In addition
,
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the period saw metals’
export
values
 go up substantially by 120%
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 2.3 in 2009.
On the other hand
, there was a minimal decrease in the
export
values
 of clothing and manufacturing during the study period. The
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 of clothing stood at 5 in 2010 down from 6 in 2009
while
Correct article usage
the values
show examples
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 of exported manufacturing
products
 saw
27
Correct article usage
a 27
show examples
% fall in the final
year
. Despite these reductions, the
overall
value
 of all
products
 jumped by 20% to 38.4 in the final
year
.
Submitted by shakhzodbekmirzaev7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words values, export, value, products, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: