IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

people tend to believe that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work for the good of community. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #adults #period #work #community
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It is recommended that all high school graduates should start university life by
volunteer
Replace the word
volunteering
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 to help society. In my point of view, I partly agree with
this
 statement. On the one hand, undertaking a period of unpaid
work
 brings a lot of advantages to young adults. It will give them more valuable ínights into their career.
Firstly
,
teenagers
 can learn numerous useful
skills
such
 as presentation, communication and socialization.
Mangers
Correct your spelling
Managers
show examples
 will help youngsters apply their
skills
 and abilities in the workplace. Doing
work
 experience as part of their studies helps them understand the daily tasks of that role. When
teenagers
 can figure out their abilities, they will improve those
skills
, which are dedicated to the community and help contribute to society.
Secondly
,
yyoung
Correct your spelling
young
 adults try many
diferent
Correct your spelling
different
 jobs so they can find the
work
 which
fit
Correct subject-verb agreement
fits
show examples
 them
most
Rephrase
best
show examples
.
For instance
, Northern Ireland’s Enhanced Combination Order (ECO) pilot suggested that over three-quarters of service users found the unpaid
work
 aspect useful.
On the other hand
, working without a salary may make
teenagers
' lives harder, especially for freshmen because they have to pay a lot of fees
such
 as tuition, healthcare fees and daily necessities.
As a result
, younger will lead to default on debts.
Moreover
, young adults will not have any motivation to go on working if the manager doesn't pay the salary for them.
Teenagers
 can not have a sense of responsibility for their jobs because they may feel that all their dedication doesn't mean anything.
For example
 , based on research , folks would be encouraged to take place in activities if they can make money, quite contrary are reluctant when there is no praise for them In conclusion, young people may learn a lot of helpful
skills
 through volunteering
work
;
however
, they still need to receive money when their finances can not afford to pay for all the necessities.
Submitted by nguyendiepchi0912 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you clearly state your position (agree or disagree) in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and flow of ideas within paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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