IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #society
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In the present age, there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether humans turn to be more dependent or independent. I agree with the former statement. In the paragraphs to come, I shall talk about both views and put forth my thoughts. On one hand, A few groups of
people
Use synonyms
 are indeed dependent,
such
Linking Words
 as kids and teenagers. They rely on their parents to provide for them
food
Change preposition
with food
show examples
, education, insurance
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
, and many more. Unlike youngsters nowadays, youth from older generations have been involved in
family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
show examples
 earnings since an early age.
For instance
Linking Words
, they worked at a ranch and farm with their families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 at productive ages in the modern era are extremely individualistic. They take care of themselves on a daily basis and involve minimum interactions with neighbours. They prefer to employ services rather than seek help from their surroundings,
such
Linking Words
 as daycare services for taking care of their toddlers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 have prepared
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 retirement by making arrangements with a nursing home so they will not depend on their upbringings.
In addition
Linking Words
, the existence of digital devices is downsizing the urge to ask and consult with others.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays folks just a finger away to look for recipes on the internet. These sorts of facts make me believe that
people
Use synonyms
 are more self-sufficient than ones from decades ago. To summarise,
people
Use synonyms
 majorly become more independent than those who lived in the past as they choose to pay for some kind of services to look out for themselves rather than being treated by their family members.
Submitted by erniwbs on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences directly related to it. Avoid including unrelated details that can distract from the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of connectors and discourse markers to improve the flow of the essay. However, make sure they are used accurately and help to clearly signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce the topic with a more precise background statement and thesis statement to immediately present the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide a balanced discussion of both views, ensuring that each view is supported by relevant and specific examples. Aim to develop each main point with evidence or examples so that the position is persuasive and well-substantiated.
task achievement
Summarize the main points effectively in your conclusion, restating your opinion more clearly for a strong finish.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with sentence structures and ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and well-formed to avoid ambiguities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnectedness
  • globalization
  • digital communication platforms
  • mutual dependency
  • economic globalization
  • international supply chains
  • social validation
  • advancements in technology
  • individualism
  • technological tools
  • smartphones
  • personal computers
  • cultural shift
  • self-sufficiency
  • individualistic attitudes
  • personal achievement
  • self-care
  • interdependency
  • societal structures
  • emotional support
  • underlying foundations
  • human interaction
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