IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

An increasing number of people are choosing to change careers during their working ives and some even do so more than once. what reasons might people have to change careers? Do you think this is a positive or negative development for society?

#people #change #careers #ives #development #society
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Nowadays, there is a growing number of people changing their occupations during their working lives, with some even doing so multiple times. I personally believe that insufficient
income
Use synonyms
 and inappropriate jobs are the main reasons for individuals to swap careers.
This
Linking Words
 is a positive and normal way to stay alive,
although
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 it might sound unprofessional.
To begin
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 with, insufficient
income
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 has always been a main cause for people to look for new opportunities that offer higher salaries. It is because what the current job provides is simply not satisfying the needs of the workers, especially for those who already have families.
For example
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, the money acquired from being an office worker can only be used for buying food and paying rent, so it is not enough for purchasing other items.
Consequently
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, swapping the source of
income
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 seems to be a good choice for living a better life.
Moreover
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, many individuals are not in their current jobs because they dream of being in another occupation.
This
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 is
also
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 an issue that almost every individual faces, particularly those who only work to earn money.
Accordingly
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, when they are working in an office,
for instance
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, they think that working as a content creator suits them well; so later they will change their jobs to what they want to be.
To conclude
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, lack of
income
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 and being employed in an undesired job are key points for laborers to alter their occupations, simply because the salary is insufficient or merely does not suit the job. Ultimately,
this
Linking Words
 is a good and positive aspect for society because they can live the life they intend to.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more details in examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a thoughtful introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by explaining reasons for changing careers and evaluating the impact on society.
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