As the result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having negative effect on their health

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health

These days more and more people using contemporary technologies. By reason of technological inventions

such

as the computer and television, the lack of physical activities and it have been impacting an individual's health. I partially agree with

this

statement using electronic devices can be harmful,

however

, it has some advantages

Rephrase

apply

show examples

also

Initially

, the utilisation of cutting-edge technologies has benefits. One major advantage of that it could give opportunities to the young generation.

For instance

, especially for techies people.

This

is because they are glued to the screens. Their work is full of these technological things. It may help them to develop different skills. Apart from that it can be beneficial for some citizens in order to have fun.

For example

, watching TV with friends or relatives is very enjoyable and unforgettable. What I mean to say is there might be a heated debate between friends or with cousins.

However

, there is a myriad of drawbacks. First and foremost, nowadays teenagers are addicted to gadgets.

This

means it might lead to a lack of sleep or other health problems. In spite of the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they are used to smartphones and laptops. So that they have problems with their eyes or they may suffer from insomnia.

As a result

, they are not able to get into full gear.

Also

, it can have an influence on their friendships or maybe relationships. Because they will ignore the people who live or stay around them. It will cause many issues.

To sum up

while

technology has had both desirable and negative effects, I believe that it has the potential to bring about overwhelmingly negative effects.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Fri Oct 06 2023

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Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the ideas presented.

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for instance
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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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As the result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having negative effect on their health

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaurs, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but others believe it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, there is not enough recycling of waste materials(e.g.. paper, glass, and cans). What are the reasons, and what can be done to solve this problem?

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that all children should have a pet or an animal to look after. Other people disagree, however, saying that this depends on a child’s circumstances. Consider these opposing views, and give your own opinion.