As the result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having negative effect on their health

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health

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These days more and more people using contemporary technologies. By reason of technological inventions

such

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as the computer and television, the lack of physical activities and it have been impacting an individual's health. I partially agree with

this

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statement using electronic devices can be harmful,

however

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, it has some advantages

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also

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Initially

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, the utilisation of cutting-edge technologies has benefits. One major advantage of that it could give opportunities to the young generation.

For instance

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, especially for techies people.

This

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is because they are glued to the screens. Their work is full of these technological things. It may help them to develop different skills. Apart from that it can be beneficial for some citizens in order to have fun.

For example

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, watching TV with friends or relatives is very enjoyable and unforgettable. What I mean to say is there might be a heated debate between friends or with cousins.

However

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, there is a myriad of drawbacks. First and foremost, nowadays teenagers are addicted to gadgets.

This

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means it might lead to a lack of sleep or other health problems. In spite of the fact that

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they are used to smartphones and laptops. So that they have problems with their eyes or they may suffer from insomnia.

As a result

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, they are not able to get into full gear.

Also

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, it can have an influence on their friendships or maybe relationships. Because they will ignore the people who live or stay around them. It will cause many issues.

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while

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technology has had both desirable and negative effects, I believe that it has the potential to bring about overwhelmingly negative effects.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Fri Oct 06 2023

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task achievement

Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the position and provides an overview of the main points to be discussed.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the ideas presented.

coherence cohesion

Use transitions to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Make sure the conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the position.

grammatical range accuracy

Check for sentence structure and grammar errors to improve clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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As the result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having negative effect on their health

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In some places old people is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the past, people ate local food in season, but nowadays, people can buy a variety of food from all over the world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh it disadvantages?

children who are brought up in families that do not have large amount of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brough up by wealthy parents. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?