IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

With growing numbers of people convicted of crimes, prisons are getting full. People are beginning to call for the use of more alternative forms of punishment that do not involve a prison sentence for non-violent crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a system?

#numbers #people #crimes #prisons #alternative #forms #punishment #prison #sentence #system
While
 the amount of
crime
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased a lot, it
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
 the
fullfilment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
 of prisons. Some opinions state that there are other ways of punishment of
crime
 rather than
imprisionment
Correct your spelling
imprisonment
 of criminals. There are some sort of positive sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
 it can cost a lot for society in case not
involvment
Verb problem
apply
show examples
those people
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
justice.
Firstly
, from the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 side of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 it
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 a huge amount of financial resources to the government and of course, for taxpayers.
Instead
 of advocating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
facing the punishment results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison, convicted persons can be used in some economically beneficial works or jobs, and the authorities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been able to guarantee the exchange of some of
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 with the sentenced years.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it will motivate the criminals to
work
 hard and compensate those crimes with some useful works.
For instance
, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 prisoners
work
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy generator places where with the help of
bicyle
Correct your spelling
bicycles
 they are regenerating the energy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which some places of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 can be used in their daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
, despite the fact it will increase
marginal
Correct article usage
the marginal
show examples
 utility of
criminal's
Change noun form
criminal
show examples
work
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison, it can confuse some people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 tend to have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
to commit
Change preposition
in committing
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
misleading point of view. The
crime
 can
be stay
Change the verb form
stay
show examples
 without justice and criminals would not understand the moral side of commitment and their punishment would not be
harsh
Rephrase
as harsh
show examples
 as it should be. The prisons should not be like holiday
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. It has a destination of why
this
 type of
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
exist
Change the verb form
exists
show examples
. In conclusion, in my point of view, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of being full by the
prisioners
Correct your spelling
prisoners
, some type of holders of light criminal acts can be used in some key areas of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and it
wiil
Correct your spelling
will
 help them to reintegrate
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society very fast and well.
However
, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 the person who
commit
Change the verb form
commits
show examples
Correct article usage
an unforgiveable
show examples
unforgiveable
Correct your spelling
unforgivable
crime
 should
be send
Change the verb form
be sent
show examples
 to the other than prison.
Submitted by ealiyev13182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Improve the overall structure of the essay. Ensure your introduction states your position clearly and your conclusion summarizes your main points.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide more cohesive and logical connections between your sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar for more accurate expression.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: