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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#countries #money #poverty #aid
The persistence of poverty in
countries
 worldwide has raised concerns about the effectiveness of developed
nations
' approach, which primarily involves providing financial
aid
. In
this
 essay, I will articulate my perspective on why developed
countries
 should extend their
support
 beyond monetary
assistance
.
Firstly
, simply injecting funds into impoverished
nations
 may not yield optimal outcomes
due to
 their limited access to modern advancements. Some
countries
 may require specific technologies that demand time, research, or opportunities for development.
Consequently
, affluent
nations
 should offer unique forms of
support
 tailored to these needs.
Moreover
, knowledge plays a role in enabling individuals in these
countries
 to effectively utilize technological innovations.
Thus
, by granting scholarships to talented individuals, these recipients can pursue education at prestigious international universities, ultimately returning home to contribute their acquired expertise.
Secondly
, diverse circumstances may necessitate more than just financial
aid
. Some
nations
 grapple with internal challenges
such
 as corruption, political instability, or conflicts with
neighboring
Change the spelling
neighbouring
show examples
countries
, which can hinder the effectiveness of financial investments. A comprehensive evaluation and negotiation process are essential before providing
support
 to ensure that the
aid
 addresses the root issues.
Additionally
, in certain situations, financial
assistance
 may not be the primary requirement for sustaining a system.
For example
, during Russia's invasion of Ukraine, the nation sought
assistance
 from other
countries
 to help citizens escape war zones and convey messages to the international community to seek a solution to halt the invasion. In conclusion,
while
 providing monetary
aid
 is undoubtedly valuable, developed
countries
 must discern the specific and current needs of the
nations
 they aim to
support
.
This
 approach ensures that
assistance
 becomes not merely a short-term remedy but a sustainable, long-term solution to combat poverty effectively.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear structure. Make sure to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not fully supported with evidence and examples. Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the question prompt and provide a clear stance on the topic.
lexical resource
Overall, your essay lacks depth and could benefit from providing more detailed explanations and analysis.
grammatical range accuracy
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are some minor errors throughout your essay. Review your grammar to improve clarity and precision.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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