IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#convenience #foods #methods #food #preparation
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However
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, accessibility to
foods
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 will increase considerably because so many people prefer to choose easier
foods
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 to eat, compared to conventional
food
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 that needs time to prepare. I totally disagree because most convenience
foods
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 are unhealthy
foods
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 and have detrimental effects on the body.
Moreover
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, traditional
foods
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 can disappear in the future. On the one hand, the majority of convenience
foods
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 contain unhealthy nutrition.
This
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food
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 has low levels of substances which are so pivotal for the body
such
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 as high proteins and minerals.
In addition
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, the packed
food
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 is the products that have been preserved before they are delivered to
society
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due to
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 still being in good condition for a long time. Even though these
foods
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 make community easier to prepare their meals and not consume time, they might
also
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 be vulnerable suffer some diseases.
For instance
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, recently the number of community who have been hospitalized has risen markedly since the public always consumes unhealthy meals like canned
food
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.
Consequently
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, their bodies are more easily attacked by pathogens.
On the other hand
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, the extinction of traditional
foods
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 will decrease. These
foods
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 can represent an identity in one region or country. Presently, despite learning and cooking conventional
foods
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,
society
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 especially, younger generations, tend to have a big curiosity about foreign
foods
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such
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 as Korean
foods
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 and Japanese
foods
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.
As a result
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, it not only may cause the ability of
society
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 to preserve home-cooked
food
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 to decline day to day but
also
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society
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 can have a lack of knowledge and experience about their traditional
foods
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. In conclusion,
although
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 useful
foods
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 are simpler to prepare and eat, I strongly believe that they can have more negative effects because those
foods
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 tend to contain slight nutrients and
besides
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 ,
that
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apply
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conventional
foods
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 may be rarer to find in the future.
Submitted by addaragelal on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need improvement. Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
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