IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that health issues are caused by high consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the governments should
increase
Use synonyms
 the
tax
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 suggestion because the high
tax
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 will
increase
Use synonyms
 the burden on
low-income
Correct article usage
the low-income
show examples
 class and will not induce awareness of the problem among the public. Rising the tariff on
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 will
increase
Use synonyms
 the financial burden on the low socioeconomic people. They often work for long hours and have a high workload.
Hence
Linking Words
, they have no energy and time left to prepare lunch or dinner when they get back home. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 is their preference to solve their meal needs as it is fast and cheap.
For example
Linking Words
, factory workers work eight or ten hours daily and are given only a 30-minute break for their lunch. They would grab lunch at McDonald’s or buy dinner on the way home.
This
Linking Words
 allows them to go back to work soon or have more resting time
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day.
However
Linking Words
, the high
tax
Use synonyms
 makes the
food
Use synonyms
 not affordable for
this
Linking Words
 class. They would need to prepare and cook their meal after an exhausting day.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, a high
tax
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 does not lead to the awareness of the disbenefit of
this
Linking Words
 convenient
food
Use synonyms
. Education plays an essential role in
this
Linking Words
 alertness. The public should be educated about high sugar, salt and oil that would result in health conditions after long-term consumption. Healthy
food
Use synonyms
 should be promoted.
For instance
Linking Words
, healthy campaigns can be organised in schools or universities to introduce nutritious foods. Sharing videos on social media promotes organic
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the government's
increase
Use synonyms
 in levy is not the best solution for
this
Linking Words
 issue because it would negatively affect low-income people.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, education would be a better way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by Steph on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement at the beginning of the essay.
lexical resource
Use more varied and specific vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow logically and smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points.
grammatical range accuracy
Use a wider range of sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Ensure proper subject-verb agreement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: