IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours everyday on their smart devices. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In
this
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 period of globalization, many
children
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 tend to use smart devices for everyday fun. It is becoming more and more common to own a smart device as a child nowadays.
Therefore
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 unsupervised
screen
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time
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 is going to lead to spending long periods of
time
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 on the devices. I believe that
due to
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 high
screen
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time
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, there is serious negative development with some being positive. For the most part, having high hours on a device has many negative developments on
children
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. Having fun games and videos can keep them staring for hours a day not only that looking at a
screen
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 for a long
time
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 is bad for your eye but
also
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 worse for their physical health. I strongly think them sitting around all day
while
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 still being young is going to affect their health, unless provided with physical activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Smart devices can provide educational content, making them a tool for learning, and
children
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 can enjoy
this
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 type of interactive way of gaining knowledge. Social media and online interactions allow
children
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 to connect with their friends, and they may want to be online to stay in touch. The rise of online classes and digital learning resources during the pandemic has increased
screen
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time
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 as well. in conclusion, I firmly believe limiting
screen
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time
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 is the key. Parents control to decide whether the negatives are going to outweigh the positives. limited
screen
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time
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, physical activities and monitoring are things that can not be taken forsake

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task achievement
Your introduction has a good start, but it would be better if you clearly state your main points. This makes it easier for readers to understand your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure all your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to another. You can use linking words to connect ideas better.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your arguments much stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Watch your grammar and punctuation. Fixing small mistakes will make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the topic, which shows an understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely sums up your thoughts and suggests a solution, which is good for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • devices
  • children
  • time
  • games
  • videos
  • fun
  • educational
  • learning
  • content
  • friends
  • connect
  • online
  • social
  • screen
  • pandemic
  • interactive
  • tool
  • quiet
  • encourage
  • attracted
What to do next:
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