IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
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For many years, a number of nations have been offering
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
 to professional artists.
This
 generosity has been very costly, of course. Has
this
 expenditure been worthwhile or unnecessary? Some argue that governmental funding should be available to creative and
art
 practitioners because they are, on a large scale, faced with financial distress every now and
then
, struggling to support themselves and produce high-quality
artworks
Fix the agreement mistake
artwork
show examples
. These
people
 point out the fact that excellent works of
art
,
such
 as Delacroix’s oil painting Liberty Guiding the
People
 and Chopin’s composition Polonaises, can remind
people
 of their cultural identity and arouse patriotism for their nation. Meanwhile,
art
 and creative industries provide jobs, encourage tourism and boost revenue to local businesses, which is of great interest
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the government. Others claim that painters and musicians are supposed to fund themselves
instead
 of relying on taxpayers’ money. These
people
 believe that artists failing to make ends meet are the ones who cannot survive the cruel selection of
commercial
Correct article usage
the commercial
show examples
 market.
In addition
, the money wasted
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 useless paintings and music could’ve been spent on more important projects,
such
 as poverty alleviation, education improvement and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 protection.
Last
 but not least, some
people
 are worried that
art
 pieces sponsored by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could inevitably become tools of political and ideological intentions. I agree with those
people
 who support government funding artists. Throughout the history of civilization,
art
 has played a pivotal role in human society and cultural exchange. Don’t the
people
 devoting their lives to it deserve some grants?
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task achievement
Provide more examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring your introduction and conclusion to make them more concise and specific.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your use of verb tenses and sentence structures for accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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