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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
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Some people consider that if
children
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 make their own decisions about everyday matters, society will be full of selfish individuals.
However
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, some suggest that it is imperative to let
children
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 opt for matters that are related to them. I would stand with the latter one since self-dependence is of paramount importance throughout our lives. Undeniably, empowering
children
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 with the freedom to choose what they want in daily life may lead them to become arrogant adults in the future. It will have a high chance that they take all for granted and turn out to be deeply reluctant to follow instrumental advice
that is
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 not lined with their wishes.
Furthermore
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, kids that are still at a young age are not equipped with enough maturity and judgment abilities, so their choices may result in bad consequences and negatively affect adulthood.
On the other hand
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, I believe that there are some beneficial effects of permitting
children
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 to make their own decisions. The first point is that it is necessary to hone their decision-making skills since
children
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 that lack
of
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apply
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those skills would cause problematic situations. A case in point is that when they turn into adults, they have to enter the workforce and even become leaders of firms.
Additionally
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, if they can learn from the experiences of failed choices, they will become more responsible and independent. In conclusion,
although
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children
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 may get an opportunity to develop the habit of selfishness or choose the wrong alternative, I believe that the pros of letting
children
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 make their own choices overshadow the cons.
Submitted by lyc435937 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a more balanced discussion of both views and present stronger evidence to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and make sure to use proper grammar throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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