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Some people belive that culture will be ruined if it used to earn tourism revenue ,but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #belive #culture #tourism #revenue
A controversial discussion is whether
culture
 should be used to earn
money
 or not.Despite the writer considering
tourism
 to play a critical role in improving the beauty of cultures,some
people
 say it is extremely wrong to use it as a tool for wealth. On the
one
 hand,it is argued that the sole way to protect the beauty of
culture
 is the
tourism
 industry.We have no difficulties in understanding why.Nowadays,the
tourism
 industry is growing higher and higher,
its
Correct word choice
and its
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 effects are significant and enormous ,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in how it advertises
one
 thing.Cultural activity only can survive if it attracts young
people
 to learn and teach it to the next generations in the future. To attract young
people
, we should make
culture
Correct article usage
a culture
show examples
 showing
become
Verb problem
apply
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a profitable job because no
one
 can do an unpaid job for a long time.
For example
,after watching a series
films
Change preposition
of films
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 named “The Story of Yanxi Palace,fans of that film have become interested in the
culture
 of Chinese and still curiously want to travel to that historical palace in China
although
 they have to pay a lot of
money
 for slots. Returning to the other opinion. Some
people
 feel angry when traditional activities are used as a good to sell for
money
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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It is vital to understand why.
Culture
 is a symbol of
one
 nation.
Therefore
 it shows
one
 ethnic group’s customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group and was made and completed by the hand of artists after
hundreds
Add the preposition
hundreds of
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 years of history. That group of
people
 said those cultures are too blessing that
people
 can not use
money
 for a look. The writer supports
tourism
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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two reasons.
To begin
 with, with the revenue from traditional shows, artists can present better performances in order to retain the quality of cultural activities and satisfy the client as well.Many young artists nowadays find inspiration from the traditional
culture
.
For instance
, a Vietnamese fashion designer Chau Bui brought Vietnamese
culture
 in her special outfits,which she wore in three days at a famous fashion show in Paris and it has impressed her all over the world.
Furthermore
,
tourism
 helps
people
 gain knowledge about
one
culture
 and realise how important that
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
As an example,young children learn History at school and respect that
culture
,they
also
 know how to protect them truly. In conclusion,
culture
 is an indispensable part of any country as protecting and developing
culture
 are our sacred jobs. To do so, I believe the best way is
showing
Change the verb form
to show
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 traditional
tourism
 so that our
culture
 is well known all over the world and our artist have income to keep their job and pass it on our future generations.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and provides an overview of the main points that will be discussed.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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