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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people belive that culture will be ruined if it used to earn tourism revenue ,but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #belive #culture #tourism #revenue
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A controversial discussion is whether
culture
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 should be used to earn
money
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 or not.Despite the writer considering
tourism
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 to play a critical role in improving the beauty of cultures,some
people
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 say it is extremely wrong to use it as a tool for wealth. On the
one
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 hand,it is argued that the sole way to protect the beauty of
culture
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 is the
tourism
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 industry.We have no difficulties in understanding why.Nowadays,the
tourism
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 industry is growing higher and higher,
its
Correct word choice
and its
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 effects are significant and enormous ,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in how it advertises
one
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 thing.Cultural activity only can survive if it attracts young
people
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 to learn and teach it to the next generations in the future. To attract young
people
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, we should make
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culture
Correct article usage
a culture
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 showing
become
Verb problem
apply
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a profitable job because no
one
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 can do an unpaid job for a long time.
For example
Linking Words
,after watching a series
films
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of films
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 named “The Story of Yanxi Palace,fans of that film have become interested in the
culture
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 of Chinese and still curiously want to travel to that historical palace in China
although
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 they have to pay a lot of
money
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 for slots. Returning to the other opinion. Some
people
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 feel angry when traditional activities are used as a good to sell for
money
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. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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It is vital to understand why.
Culture
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 is a symbol of
one
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 nation.
Therefore
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 it shows
one
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 ethnic group’s customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group and was made and completed by the hand of artists after
hundreds
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hundreds of
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 years of history. That group of
people
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 said those cultures are too blessing that
people
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 can not use
money
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 for a look. The writer supports
tourism
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because of
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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two reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, with the revenue from traditional shows, artists can present better performances in order to retain the quality of cultural activities and satisfy the client as well.Many young artists nowadays find inspiration from the traditional
culture
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.
For instance
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, a Vietnamese fashion designer Chau Bui brought Vietnamese
culture
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 in her special outfits,which she wore in three days at a famous fashion show in Paris and it has impressed her all over the world.
Furthermore
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,
tourism
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 helps
people
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 gain knowledge about
one
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culture
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 and realise how important that
.
Add a missing verb
is.
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As an example,young children learn History at school and respect that
culture
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,they
also
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 know how to protect them truly. In conclusion,
culture
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 is an indispensable part of any country as protecting and developing
culture
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 are our sacred jobs. To do so, I believe the best way is
showing
Change the verb form
to show
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 traditional
tourism
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 so that our
culture
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 is well known all over the world and our artist have income to keep their job and pass it on our future generations.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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