IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks , both in their personal lives and professional lives. do you think that advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives
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It is crucial for individuals to take
risks
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 in their private and professional
lives
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.
Although
Linking Words
 there are
risks
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 for their
lives
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 with the
risks
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 they take, it is a beneficial thing to their personal and executive
lives
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 because
risks
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 will help to enhance the quality of
lives
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.
People
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 have guilty feelings and they are feared to take risky
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 or opportunities with their routines or novel things as they do not prefer to gain
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life status. These
people
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 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it will be a factor of decreasing their financial stability and the quality of
lives
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, most
of
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apply
show examples
individuals are scared to invest money
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a novel project or a business because they predict that it will not
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success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 do not like to take
risks
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 in both of personal and professional
lives
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.
However
Linking Words
,
people
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 who take
risks
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 in both executive and private
lives
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 will be
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success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 and they will achieve their targets by taking
risks
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. Without taking a challenge, they cannot step
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the future
although
Linking Words
 they have desires
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 higher standards
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their jobs or personal
lives
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.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 in developing
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 fly to developed countries though they have good professional and personal standards in their own cultures. Most of
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 have been done executive level jobs and they had good social status.
Although
Linking Words
 it is a risk, these
people
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 dedicate their everything to
fulfil
Wrong verb form
fulfilling
show examples
 their future targets.
Therefore
Linking Words
, taking
risks
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very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 important to achieve future goals in personal and professional
lives
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. As individuals who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 taken
risks
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 in past have more
success
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 in present and coming days.
To conclude
Linking Words
, taking
risks
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 in professional and personal
lives
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential to
success
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in both aspects.
Although
Linking Words
 there are drawbacks,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 outweigh the disadvantages
Submitted by addaragelal on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not clearly stated. Make sure to clearly state your position and provide a summary in the conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
grammatical range accuracy
Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures and more complex sentence constructions to demonstrate your grammatical range.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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