IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answers people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they think would make them happiest.

The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answers people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they think would make them happiest.
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The charts show the
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 of a survey about the level of satisfaction with their life and what is healthy or
money
Rephrase
how money
show examples
 affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their happiness by age.
Overall
Linking Words
, the line chart shows that 41-50-years-old
groups
Use synonyms
 had
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 satisfaction in their life and it is highest in the 61-70-years-old
groups
Use synonyms
. The column chart shows that money is a popular factor that makes young people feel
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
while
Linking Words
 it is healthy for older people. From 15 to 30 years old, there was some difference between men and women to the extent that they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 satisfied with their lives.
Male
Add an article
The male
show examples
 had 5.5 per 7
points
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the female had just 5.3 per 7
points
Use synonyms
 for that. After 30 years old, both men and women had the same score. There was a dramatic drop at 5.0
points
Use synonyms
 from 30 to
50 year- old
Correct your spelling
50-year-old
groups
Use synonyms
, after which
this
Linking Words
 figure increased sharply to 5.6
points
Use synonyms
 in 61-
70-years-old
Correct your spelling
70-year-old
groups
Use synonyms
. The column chart shows money was the highest factor that made 15-24-year-old
groups
Use synonyms
 feel happy at 55
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 figure went down and lowest in over 75-year-old
groups
Use synonyms
, at approximately 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of health that surveyors think makes them feel happiness was lowest in 15-24-year-old
groups
Use synonyms
, at around 11
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. And
this
Linking Words
 figure peaked
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 approximately 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 61-
70-years-old
Correct your spelling
70-year-old
groups
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, points, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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