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Band 7

Some people spend a lot of money for their wedding ceremonies. However, others feel like it is unnecessary to spend a lot. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion.

#people #money #ceremonies #points
These days, a lot more individuals enjoy their wedding
day
 and spend a fortune on it.
While
 others see
this
 as risky and useless spending and I agree with them.
This
 essay will discuss both opinions. In the point of view of those who like to spend a crazy amount of
money
 on their wedding
day
, they believe that it's their one life
day
 that will never happen again. So it's a unique and special event where it has to be perfect. They do not mind spending a fortune on it and in fact, they have been saving up all their lives just for
this
day
.
For example
, weddings in Saudi Arabia are important and big because both families will invite around 400-500 people for each family. Which is why it requires paying around one million rials to have a decent wedding.
On the contrary
, I disagree with them. And I see that as a wasted
money
 that should have been spent on the couple and their future life. It would provide nice stable savings for them where they can pay for a good house, cars, and their kids' future.
Moreover
, spending
such
 an amount will become a regular standard for the majority of society, which will affect the poor people and make celebrations for them harder. In conclusion, the great amount of
money
 on weddings is enjoyable to some humans because they want to celebrate their
day
 with a lot of relatives and friends, and they have been saving for it their whole life. But to most people, it is considered as wasted
money
 because it will raise the levels in society, and it's better spent on the future of
those couple
Change the determiner
that couple
those couples
show examples
instead
 of wasting it in only one night.
Submitted by waad018 on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses both viewpoints, it would benefit from further development of each side's argument. Diving deeper into why people spend large amounts on weddings and considering additional perspectives will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'on the other hand' to enhance the flow between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a conclusion that summarises your stance, which is very effective.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the Saudi Arabian wedding scenario, which helps to illustrate your points and make them clearer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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