IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Introduction

#countries #people #first #child #development #introduction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the controversial questions is that people are having their first child when they are older. The decision to have
children
Use synonyms
 at a later age is becoming popular in modern society and the drawbacks of delayed parenthood likely outweigh the advantages. The fact that pregnancy has been more common in older women because they believe having a baby as long as possible can help them make a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money to provide for their
children
Use synonyms
. They can focus on
ones
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 profession to have more opportunities to achieve financial success, it is necessary for their
children
Use synonyms
 in the future and sufficient conditions for them to grow up.
For example
Linking Words
, in
viet
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
 nam
parents
Use synonyms
 usually have baby in older because they want to make a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money to take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 to ensure a baby lives in a full-fledged environment.
Conversely
Linking Words
, some individuals have some reasons that can be given to justify the trend of having babies at later stages of their life.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the labour market is increasingly competitive and people must spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of time working for their salary to improve life and they do not have time to prepare for babies .
Secondly
Linking Words
, older
parents
Use synonyms
 must struggle to keep up
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. For
parents
Use synonyms
 whose age gap with their
children
Use synonyms
 is
significantly
Replace the adverb
significant
show examples
 because they do not have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of energy and time to spend with their
children
Use synonyms
, so they might not be the same as young
parents
Use synonyms
. For instant, in
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 the percents older
parents
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 pregnancy
increasingly
Add a missing verb
is increasingly
show examples
 high because they focus on their profession
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much after that they have
decision
Correct article usage
the decision
show examples
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 babies and make them have problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 health that make them difficult for them to care for their
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite the reasons
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
pregnancy and
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 life make delayed marriage more appealing. The
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 is people need
toattention
Correct your spelling
to pay attention
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages
to decide
Change preposition
of deciding
show examples
 on a marriage for happiness.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: