IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #attention
Some individuals believe that advertising is beneficial for companies to convince new customers to purchase new things
while
 others think that it is overrated and people
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 used to it to the level that it does not affect anyone anymore.
This
 essay agrees with the former opinion. Advertisement helps people understand the value of the products in the market.
That is
 because many options may be present in a machine but the general public does not know that information. By explaining to the customers how
this
 product will be beneficial to them or make their lives easier, they will be persuaded to buy it.
In addition
 to that, marketing aims to understand the mindset of the consumers so that when a product is being advertised it can be relevant to their needs. Those who think that we are used to advertising that we no longer give it attention have many varied reasons.
Such
 as the notion that advertisements are forced on us either on the television or on the internet.
For example
, in recent years YouTube has installed an update that you are required to watch 5 seconds of an advertisement before you watch the video you intended to watch. That has resulted in the rebellious movement of many people nowadays. Having looked at both sides, I completely agree with the importance of marketing to educate customers and persuade them to buy new products.
However
, many others think that it is repetitive and of no value anymore because of all the pressure that company owners are putting on the consumers that it lost its value.
Submitted by nadasoltan818 on

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Task Response
Your introduction contemporaneously paraphrases the prompt and establishes a one-sided opinion rather than discussing both views equally as the prompt requires. You must ensure that you provide a balanced consideration of both sides of the argument before presenting your own standpoint in the conclusion.
Task Response
The essay partially develops the argument with some general supporting details, but specific examples are missing, which reduces the effectiveness of your response. To improve, include concrete examples or data to substantiate your points, which will enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay displays a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas can be smoother and more explicit to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
Coherence and Cohesion
While paragraphs are present and each paragraph introduces a central idea, the essay lacks variety in sentence structures, and cohesive devices could be better utilized to link ideas more coherently within and across paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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