Some people think that a high salary is the most important factor when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Few masses
opines
Change the verb form
opine
show examples
that taking a huge amount of income has
play
Change the verb form
played
show examples
a vital role
while
others argue that a better working
envirnoment
Correct your spelling
environment
is significant to them. I completely agree with
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both views as increasing payscale
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial stability and security
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, fruitful surroundings that enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity and creativity.
To begin
with, high wage
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
crucial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals because it bestows
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability in account and secureness.
This
means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
can get a better education for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
future if their income standards are
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
than others
Moreover
,
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
lifestyle
such
as wearing branded clothes, using
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
vehicles to go the other
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
family member spend time
together
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
happily in everyday.
For instance
, some actress
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their lifestyles like going to the
jym
Correct your spelling
gym
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis without any tension
Add the comma(s)
, in addition,
show examples
in addition
spending
Change preposition
to spending
show examples
time with their
collegue
Correct your spelling
colleague
colleagues
in different games.
Thus
, these things provide not only stability but
also
strength to the folks.
However
, talking about a logical working atmosphere
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be needed for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers since there are productivity and creativity will
enhance
Wrong verb form
be enhanced
show examples
if workers apply satisfactory areas. It might be said that, working with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
best leader whose behaviour or knowledge is excellent so that increment level can be higher than the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
co-workers.
Furthermore
, staff will concentrate more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their work when anxiety
reduce
Wrong verb form
is reduced
show examples
and
confidence
Correct pronoun usage
their confidence
show examples
level will
boost
Wrong verb form
be boosted
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the job. To
be illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
, some company owners have figured out some labours are working
long-hous
Correct your spelling
long-hours
as
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
the comfortable
show examples
arena in the industries.
To conclude
, There are a lot of mankind who want to work
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high wages as it will give
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
healthier life wheres,
working
Correct word choice
whereas working
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
warm environment
also
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
satisfaction to the public.
Therefore
, I totally
accord
Verb problem
agree
show examples
with both statements there are
seen
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
both situations have benefits for everyone.
Submitted by tanwarneha678 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that you clearly state your opinion in the introduction paragraph.
task achievement
Develop your ideas and provide more supporting examples.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and pay attention to accuracy.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on sentence structure and grammar accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • priority
  • financial stability
  • motivation
  • job satisfaction
  • aspirations
  • positive work environment
  • team dynamics
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • personal opinion
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: