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Band 7.5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #difference #age #parents #children
It is true that many parts of the world today have an increasing
age
 gap between parents and their children. Despite some obvious advantages of
this
 trend, I would argue that they are outweighed by their disadvantages. On the one hand, there are two major advantages when the guardians are much older than their young child than they were in the past. One reason for
this
 is that fathers and mothers can gain more knowledge and preparation before having a baby. One reason for
this
 is that older fathers and mothers have more knowledge and preparation before they have a baby.
Thus
, their children benefit from their parents' experiences and grow up in safer environments.
Moreover
, people of mature
age
 choose to stabilize their income before giving birth.
This
 will provide toddlers with more opportunities to develop their talent and better living standards.
On the other hand
, I believe that detrimental effects are greater than benefits when parents’
age
 is much higher than that of their children.
First,
the large generational gap can lead to a lack of understanding between
nurtures
Correct your spelling
nurturers
show examples
 and infants. To illustrate, adolescents in the present time have the ability to easily adapt to modern technology
such
 as smartphones and laptops
due to
 early exposure when they were a baby.
However
, many studies have shown that individuals who have recently been exposed to high-tech devices, including their caregivers, may struggle to use them.
Therefore
,
this
 causes misunderstanding.
Secondly
, having a child when parents are older can result in some health issues.
For example
, middle-aged adults are vulnerable to diseases because of their immune system impairment, which adversely affects the raising process or even infects toddlers. In conclusion, it seems to me that the drawbacks of giving birth to a child at a mature
age
 are more significant than their advantages.
Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some parts of the essay lack coherence and could be better connected.
Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents both advantages and disadvantages. However, the supporting examples could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • intergenerational
  • fulfilling
  • complications
  • stigma
  • judgment
  • advancing age
  • life experience
  • wisdom
  • financial stability
  • opportunity
  • patience
  • maturity
  • relationships
  • communication
  • physical energy
  • social
  • learning
  • understanding
  • age difference
  • older parents
  • risk
  • challenges
  • young children
  • society
  • quality time
  • grandchildren
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