IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A tendency of news reported in the media about problems and emergencies rather than positive developments is more harmful to the individual and to society. Do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #media #emergencies #developments #society
Nowadays, individuals need to earn more income to fulfil their requirements
therefore
 they do not need to pay duty to the ministry. I strongly agree with the above statement and my justification will come in
further
 paragraphs
along with
 some relative examples. To commence with, there are several reasons why human beings do not need to pay
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
.
Firstly
, they put in extra hours and hard work to earn cash
hence
 they should keep all the
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 for a better future.
For instance
, sometimes any
misshepling
Correct your spelling
misspelling
 occurs time they easily use their saving for any medical emergency and many more.
Secondly
, the living expenses of today's lives are very costly to adjust the middle class to buy their dream house and car.
Thirdly
, the education system and health care both are very expensive to
affordable
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
poor people
therefore
 they do not need to pay the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
.
Furthermore
, individuals are less likely to pay levy to the administration and use their savings in different fields
such
 as education, healthcare and many more.
Moreover
, they need to some essential requirements in their life to survive long.
On the other hand
, there are many advantages of paying taxes to the state. the government can easily provide them with better education, good health infrastructure and many more facilities.
Additionally
, the state can manage their economy and budget very easily with the help of the money it receives from the local public. To give an overview, folk should not pay taxes to the government because they need some extra money to survive long.
However
, the state should overcome tax rates so all people can easily pay taxes.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Be sure to stay on topic and directly address the prompt. Your essay discusses paying taxes, which is not related to the given topic of news reporting.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction by clearly stating your position and providing a brief overview of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical manner and develop each point with sufficient supporting details.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use appropriate academic language.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sensationalism
  • desensitization
  • skewed perception
  • mental health
  • culture of fear
  • paranoia
  • mistrust
  • positive reinforcement
  • awareness
  • emergencies
  • issues
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • media bias
What to do next:
Look at other essays: