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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below show the number of magazines sold

the chart below show the number of magazines sold
The graph chart provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 many
magazines
Use synonyms
 (in thousands) were sold in various countries, namely France,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Italy,
Spain
Correct word choice
and Spain
show examples
 in three different
years
Use synonyms
 (2005, 2015) and the predicted numbers of
solds
Correct your spelling
sales
 for 2025.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trends for France showed the significant numbers in
solds
Correct your spelling
sales
 among other countries,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
magazines
Use synonyms
 sold in Spain demonstrated the lowest point for each year. With regard to the data about the sales in France, it hit the highest point of 40 in 2005, a slight decrease of over 35 in 2015, but
expecting
Wrong verb form
it is expected
show examples
 to lessen in sales
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 35 after 10
years
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the general interest for the
magazines
Use synonyms
 in all three countries is showing a steady decrease from 2005 to 2025. The dippest
number
Use synonyms
 of magazine readers are from Spain, contains merely around 5 in
number
Use synonyms
 during
20-year
Add an article
a 20-year
the 20-year
show examples
 period.
While
Linking Words
 the readers of
magazines
Use synonyms
 in America accounted for just over 30 in the first year, it experienced
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest
number
Use synonyms
 with a slight increase in 2015, and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 it is predicted to sell 25
magazines
Use synonyms
 in 2025. When it comes to
other
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Britain, it witnessed a downward tendency in both given
years
Use synonyms
 ( over 20 and 20
Linking Words
accordingly
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
),
while
Linking Words
 Italy achieved to sell 5
magazines
Use synonyms
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in 2005 than
2015
Change preposition
in 2015
show examples
. For 10
years
Use synonyms
 later,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British readers,
however
Linking Words
,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 likely to follow a decreasing tendency (over 15), Italy,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, is forecasted to stop the sales of
magazines
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words magazines, years, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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